SLACKER

I just want you to know that there's definitely more than popping pennies in the Sorority Queen who'll give head on a whim, contradicting those young sex "comedies", full of young gratuitous girl flesh. Those movies are created to give ugly white doritos-and-beer males the impression that college girls will do anything. I think that, instead of the chess club chub boy getting laid by the female volleyball team, ugly nerd girls should get to dominate some swim team jock bot, atleast by the end of the film (if you can even use that word).
I just saw a bagel commercial, where there's two chicks in an elevator, ones pretty hideous, and as I sat there in joy, I thought, now that, is a feminist pioneer.
Ugly girls are amazing, ugly girls who could give less a shit about hair or bathing or fashion, they're the real heroes.
We have enough grimy boys and potheads.
Motherload props to Kim Deal and a doughy Allison Wolfe.

1953

can i just post something without making sense?

how do i pick up the pieces from this broken heart on the floor
the glass shards could kill me with just a simple touch
everything was perfect from the start
nothing to worry about, the fairytales were finally coming true for me
but then we stopped talking just like that
whatever happened, i will not know
you fell for somebody else, while i'm outside waiting in the cold
knocking on your door, but there's no one inside the rooms of your heart
no more love left in my name
no more room for trust and games
you moved on to someone else, and it hurts so much to see you like that
i thought i was the only one that was meant to shoulder you with the sun
if i tell you all this, would you still smile at my name?
or have you moved on completely that my name doesn't exist
just another blur, another checkmark in your book

you said you loved me
you lead me on
how could i not develop feelings for a man like that
every mistake is a lesson learned
but you're not a mistake in my book
you can't be after all the things you said to me
i will wait for you
i will sing for you
i will write a song for you
that i was very special to you
if i was so special, why have you let me go
in such a miniscule amount of time?
there's no more chances for me to take on you anymore
except whether to continue loving you or to let you go
i'm confused inside the chambers of my soul
a light shines through but there's a bar on the door
i can't get out, there's no escape
either i hold on or fall to the ground and let go
to the cold marble floor below
maybe there would be someone there to catch me in their arms
waiting for me, telling me to trust myself to let go
but i'm afraid of the fall to the bottom
stomach comes up to my throat, a screaming blur
i break my bones or i break my heart
sacrificial pain.

i gave you my heart, and i gave you parts of me that no one has ever seen
you took me for granted, no doubt
all these lessons just leave questions bordering my mouth
was it ever really worth it?
was this really fate?
i'm still not okay, it's going to take some time
time takes time to heal these wounds you left for me
no banadage in sight except the healing hope that i should still tell you how i feel
that maybe you would return the favor
but i doubt ityour heart reaches out to someone else now
but i need to tell you how i feel
i just don't mean to make it harder on you
but if i told you, could you live with that?
i know i couldn't live with that...

just listen to how i feel if i find the heart to tell you
i don't mean to make things harder for you
i want to be there for you but how could i when you were never there for me
the reflections of my heart just stare back at me through this mirror
whatever i think or do, the opposite tends to happen
this life is putting me in a pessimistic state of mind
do i just have to think negatively in order to get to a positive experience?
it seems that's what my fate wants me to do

the things i have to do but don't wanna do
the places i have to go but i don't wanna go
exchanging one friendship for one love
reworking the words for one thing i can't get enough of
it's never quite warm when the attitude's this cold
trying to sqeeze in a revolution while still doing what i'm told
but what'll happen in the future is outside of these hands
but when i tell you this you don't want to understand
maybe i'm not the one you're looking for
maybe i'm not the one
that's supposed to shoulder your love and provide you with the sun
maybe i'm meant to be a meandering fool sitting in the rain
or maybe not, only when it's over and done with will there be an end to pain...

speak

My voice is just a messenger. Nothing more, nothing less.

And yet, the tone in which my message is delivered will affect the how others will judge it.

My intelligence or insight may be perceived in many different ways based on how I convey my thoughts. If I speak with purpose, showing my passion with ascending exuberance, my audience will no doubt be impressed with my candor. Some will see me as intelligent and respectable, while others with a wary nature may see me as verbose and reject my ideals. While my words may remain the same, their interpretation is still affected by the way they are projected into the minds of the masses.

If I speak of hope in a time of war, I will be lauded and ridiculed simultaneously. But if I present myself with a passionate and determined manner, I am that much more likely to gain my listeners' praise despite the lies I may be uttering.

No matter what I say, the way I am heard will affect the ourcome.

For my voice is but a delusion of eloquence. Nothing more. Nothing less.

boredom on the first day of spring break

"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so"

- William Shakespeare

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade wind in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain

"Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes."
- Anonymous

"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul."

- Emily Dickinson

"It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Destiny is not a matter of chance but of choice. Not something to wish for but to attain."

- William Jennings Bryan

"I am only one, but I am still one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do."

- Edward Everett Hale

"Bite off more than you can chew, then chew it."

- Ella Williams

"People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered. Love them anyway.If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Do good anyway. If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind. Think big anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway. People really need help but may attack if you help them. Help people anyway. Give the world the best you have and you might get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you've got anyway."

- Anonymous

"Life without a purpose is a languid, drifting thing; every day we ought to review our purpose, saying to ourselves, 'This day let me make a sound beginning'"

- Thomas Kempis

"The most important of life's battles is the one we fight daily in the silent chambers of the soul."

- David O. McKay

"When you're worried, tell yourself the truth: Shyness is a strength to build on, not a character flaw to be stamped out."

- Malvern School

"The strongest among the weak is the one who doesn't forget his weaknesses."

- Danish Proverb

"I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite."

- G.K. Chesterton

"Some make it happen, some watch it happen, and some say, 'What happened?'"

- Anonymous

"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."

- Buddha

storms

There are many that fear the thunder,
the aftermath of a lightning strike,
the loud, ear pounding drumming.

Me,
I am different.

I fear what is true,
i fear the bolt,
the river of energy
crashing down,
forgetting remorse.

Its a funny thing.

no one really stops,
to think about the destruction,
the devestation,
the catastrophic results,
caused by the single stream of electricity

rather,
they cover their ears
and brace themselves
for the inevitable.

its selfish
its wrong
its human.

Not knowing
whether a life gone
house ruined
or possesion destroyed
perhaps nothing at all

gets
to
me.

The unknown vs. the expected
the lightning vs. the thunder

Me,
I am different.

WELL HELLO

man. this past week has been hell. i've been sick the whole time, and missed a good week of school. taking a break from my religion assignment to put a little blog update on here. i've been neglecting you so much, blog, and i'm sorry. ever since exams started a good month and a half ago, my whole desire to try and think up of something interesting to say just sorta plummeted. but i promise that i will try and post at least once a week, and gradually increase from there.

anyways, my sickness xD
it started out with a sore throat, when my friend came over on saturday. i think i caught it from her because i could tell she was pretty hoarse. then on sunday, the whole SHABAM. fever, runny nose, pink eye, sore throat, migrane, ear ache. i felt like massively murderizing anybody who stepped in my way. i was on the verge of doing so, but instead i stayed in bed the whole day.
monday, no school, obviously. tuesday i woke up with two plugged up ears, and they were really irritating me throughout the day. so my mom took me to this clinic where a barely legal immigrant drained out my ears [WHICH WAS THE MOST TRAUMATIZING EXPERIENCE EVER. I MAY BE A DRAMA QUEEN, BUT I ALSO HAVE A LOW PAIN TOLERANCE. THIS HURT LIKE HELL. I DO NOT RECOMMENED THIS UNLESS YOU HAVE A SERIOUS NEED FOR SEEING WAX THAT LOOKS LIKE CATERPILLARS COME OUT OF YOUR EARS!] sorry, a bit detailed there. but it hurt like a bitch. after we came out of the doctors though, i felt cured. or so i thought.
the next day i woke up, the wednesday, i had this ringing in my ear. and that same ring is still existent to this day. it sounds like... hmm... a thousand screaming babies with chipmunk vocal chords. i am deaf in my right ear now. but then in my other ear, any sort of sound is maximized by like 110%. i guess it's making up for my hearing loss in my right ear, but it's not fun when it's accompanied by a throbbing migrane.
i just hope i get better. soon. i miss being in front of the computer. i haven't been on for a good week because of my sickness. instead, i substituted the computer for the tv. i sometimes sat in front of my tv for 12 hours. in one day. how horrible. let's just see...

8-9am: Morning News
9-9:30: Regis & Kelly
9:30-10: Property Virgins
10-11: Ellen
11-12: 2 episodes of some Look-A-Like show, sometimes switched to Price is Right
12-12:30: Arthur
12:30-1: I Love Lucy
1-2: Tyra Banks Show
2-3: Oprah
3-5:30: watched whatever my sister wanted to watch
5:30-6: Whose Line Is It Anyway [THE BEST]
6-7: Friends
7-8: Seinfeld
8-10: whatever reality show was on

it is clear. it is true. even when i'm sick i have no life.



so did anybody catch The Bachelor on Monday? I know, I know.. people everywhere are talking about it. but i want to hear some of your opinions. do you think it was a good decision for jason to 'follow his heart', or should he have tried to spend some more time with melissa to work it out? or do you just want to shoot me in the face for even mentioning this? either way, i want to hear :D