it's finally the day...

tomorrow. do or die. may day. i'm going to somehow, someway be able to have some sort of communication with him. even though i'm going on a field trip, in which he will not be attending, i will get my friend to give him my email.

pretty low, ain't it?

but i don't care. exactly one month from today and school is over. which could mean that i will never see his virile face again. even though i've waited a good 2 years to talk to this fellow, i feel that i can't take it anymore. seeing him around, and never striking up a 'hey, how do you do?' [in the most awkward way possible, obviously]. i feel that i'm now ready to do something about this petty little crush.

i'm definitely preparing myself for the worst, though. because, how odd would that be? someone's friend coming up to you, who you've never talked to before, giving you your "admirer's" email. i doubt he'll even add me, but i'm willing to deal with that consequence. as long as i know that i'm putting myself out there. the uncertainty is just giving me an adrenaline rush right now. at least i won't have to live in regret with all the "woulda, coulda, shoulda's" that would harvest in my mind.

tying my heart on a bird's foot, setting it free of captivity, and hoping that the addressee would read and return this precarious heart. that's all i'm asking for.

transatlanticism

This world is too big.
Too vast.
Too unknown.
Too unknowable.
Millions of strangers,
All bearing untold burdens.
Countless tales of distrust,
Infinite stories of betrayal,
Measureless accounts of deceit;
Their biographies never heard.
Ideas upon ambitions,
Goals upon destinations,
Never uttered, never attained.
Merely executed, as they all evaporate.
Due to old age..
Mostly neglect.
Knowledge we could have known,
People we could have met,
Wasted.
Only tangible things exist,
Only what we know to be true,
Nothing questioned.
Nothing explored.
Nothing is everything we don't know.
Ignorance found blissful,
Unconsciousness found acceptable.
Not knowing what is,
knowing what isn't.
This life is too short.
Too abbreviated,
Too condensed,
Too condensable.
Open your eyes,
For they have been blind to the beauty of forms left unmade.
Motivate your ears,
For they have been deaf to the sounds of words left unsaid.
Mobilize your mouth,
For it has said nothing to the strangers left unadvised.
Prompt your mind,
For it has encapsulated thoughts from this world left unarmed.
This world is too big,
This life is too short.

shuttles, spaceships, satellites

Off with the stage make-up and the blinding headlights above my head. I'm back and I missed this blog so much. Even though I had a life within the past week or two, I don't think I'll return to that life for another year or so. Our big school production of Godspell has come to an end. I'm partially happy, ecstatic even. But, a little piece of me is still hindering on the stage, amongst my fellow talented classmates, waiting for the bright lights to shine upon my face, and I can take on this whole new persona, apathetic to the judges. I must say, I will miss that. And those after-parties... It'd be safer to not talk about those on here xD

Anyways, I found this cool little survey thing on facebook. I think I'll post it, and anyone else who wants to post it, may do so as well.

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Rules: "Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you."

1.) I love literature. It's disgusting. I write and read as much as I breathe, and I have a book that contains all of Shakespeare's works, which have all been read thoroughly. I also have this book where I write down interesting little quotes I see. It's almost full. PS, i dont care what anyone says, The Great Gatsby and The Kite Runner are the most amazing books i've ever had to read for school.

2.) I hate people. I'm super friendly, but secretly, I think all people are morons. I especially dislike teenagers. I just dont like talking to people my age. They act like a bunch of dumb morons, with their sights only on receiving the most attention from guys. I think I wouldn't mind if I was a loner at school. I'm pretty sure I'd be more happy.

3.) I wear glasses for distance, but I end up wearing them all day sometimes. It makes me feel safe, for some reason. But, I can tell that my eyes are gradually getting worse, so maybe I should stop wearing them 24/7... but then again, maybe I won't.

4.) I burn like a lobster in the summer, and am almost transparent in the winter.

5.) I can't stand improper grammar. It just bugs me.

6.) I'm really, really clumsy. Everyday someone asks me to try and be more graceful. I can't help it. I spill everything, trip a lot, and hit my head so much that I should have some kind of brain damage by now.

7.) I have an elastic face. Seriously, I can contort my face in many ways. People call me the female Mr. Bean, which I take as a compliment.

8.) My iPod is the nucleus of my life.

9.) I wish I could freeze time. if I could, I would draw faces on everyone and laugh when people notice that person has a drawn mustache, while that person is noticing the same thing about that person. Know what I mean?

10.) I'm not good at anything. I'm serious. I cant think of anything that I have actually succeeded in except for reading more than ten books over summer vacation.

11.) I hate girls. Some of them are cool, but most of them are extremely irritating.

12.) I'm THE worst driver you will ever meet. Seriously. My instructor once told me that I drive like I am the only person in the world. That's not good.

13.) I'm extremely imaginative. I wish I lived inside my head.

14.) I'm ambidexterous. I do basically everything with my left hand, except write. But, then again, my writing is legible with it.

15.) I can sit and watch people all day. Somtimes I look at people, and try and make up what they're conversing about. Sometimes, what I think up, is hilarious, and I start laughing - while still looking at the person. Sometimes, the people catch me and give me dirty looks. Sometimes they come up to me and start yelling at me, telling me that I shouldn't be staring at people, and laughing at them, when I don't even know them. True story.

16.) I think milk is even greater than sliced bread.

17.) I have the craziest family. I'm serious. Like, legit wacko.

18.) My favourite subjects are english, psychology and sociology. My least favourite is math. It does not go through my head. And if it does, my brain stores it in some foreign lobe that I don't know how to activate.

19.) I fall for guys who have any creative ability. Playing piano is a big one. I don't know why.

20) My sister and I look a lot alike, but we're the complete opposite. For example, she can piece any type of clothing together, and make it look good. While I, on the other hand, have the fashion sense of a blind kangaroo.

21.) I'm positive I was born in the wrong era. My brain doesn't work in the 21st century.

22.) I've been eating really unhealthy lately. I haven't exercised in about a month. The worst part is, I don't care. I feel like I can't do anything about it. I'm thinking I'll eat all the crap I want now, then when i'm 20, I'll go on Jenny Craig and look "perfect".

23.) I fully support gay marriage. I think that if you're going to get married, you're getting married to officially bond yourself to that individual. Why cant people of the same sex do the same? People dont make sense. They let religion control their lives. But doesn't God love everyone? Doesn't God want everybody to be happy? He shouldn't care if people are gay, straight, bi etc. Because he loves them, either way. Therefore, we should do the same and accept them. Not stomp on their values, saying that it's wrong.

24.) My hands and feet are either really cold or really hot. There's no middle ground.

25.) I have a tendancy to embarass myself a lot.