going to the grave with unlived lives in your veins

Alright. So, there's basically someone that's been on my mind for, I don't know. Only about a year and a month or so. Not very long, right? Wrong. I'm INFATUATED with this guy named Tim. I'm blushing already just typing his name. How embarassing and pathetic. It is pathetic though, because for a year and a month now, all I've been doing is stalking him and staring him down in the dreaded and over-crowded hallways of my school. But I've never gotten up the courage to talk to him... ever. And, believe me, I've had chances. But what do I do when given the chance? Sweat up, get butterflies that are as overpopulated in my stomach as Mexico City, get nervous and shaky and become ADD or OCD or ADHD or ADHDOCD... basically, I'm a mess and a fool when I'm around him. And the thing is, I'm pretty sure he notices because I see him stare at me all the time, too. Now, I have a strong poker face [insert lady gaga song here], but when it comes to Tim... I don't know. I lose all control of my body and mind, and I zone out and act like a fool. I'M A FOOL, I'M A FOOL! I'm sorry. I just wish I had enough courage and confidence to go up and talk, but I can't. I can't for the living shit of me.
Today's word for the day: Intimidated. Spell it out? I-n-t-i-m-i-d-a-t-e-d.
Bitch.

Here's a little... I don't know, poem? that i wrote about him over the summer when I missed seeing his fucking face too much.

Everywhere I went, I saw his face.
Looking at me with those stone blue eyes.
Peering through my soul like he knew me inside-out.
If only I said what I wanted to say that day, for so long.
Hoping and praying every minute, that I would be yours.
But words can't come out of my mouth when you're right beside me.
We saw each other everyday, not a single word was ever spoken.
Whispered and mumbled thoughts that were never noted.
Exchanging stares thoroughout the day, I swear I knew you.
Now you're far away and nothing has come out of these trembling lips since.
In this moment of thought, this thought that lasts longer than mere moments.
That haunt me at night, when I try to get you off my mind.
I see you clearly, leaving a vision that makes me dizzy.
Your silhouette, your shadow. Your embracing grace.
I feel nostalgic for the days I saw your face.
Gentle like an angel, shy like the wind on a warm spring day.
But things won't be like they were ever again.
I missed my chance at love, at experience, at hope and wonder and possible humiliation.
Now I'm stuck with the regret of the past 11 months.
I didn't catch him when I had him.

Not a single word was ever said.
Will ever be said, until I see your face again.

This is basically how I feel about Tim ever since I saw him... except switch the roles. I'm "William" and he's the "girl"... sounds about right. Also, he doesn't have a girlfriend (or "boyfriend" bahaha).



Alright, I'm sorry. I just had to get all of that off my chest. Even though probably no one reads this, at least I'm being honest with myself on this blog. Yayness.

So, basically, I'm supposed to be reading The Kite Rider right now, doing a bunch of Trigonometry questions for an upcoming test, a bunch of italian homework on the imperfetto and practicing my guitar for my lessons tonight (in which I will be brutally beaten to the bone, because I haven't practiced at all during this week. Shame). But it's cloudy. It's cold. It's noisy. And my back hurts like a bitch.

...I just spent the last 30 minutes looking for help on how to put a music file on here?
Wtfax machine.

Caramilk tastes like shit after the first 4 bites,
Krystina