valentine's day: a paranoid hypothesis

I had a thought yesterday. Shocking, I know, but I kid you not; it made me realize that thought is a double-edged sword. Too little in the way of mental activity will hold you back, while too much can interfere with your everyday life. In the latter circumstance, overanalyzation can lead to paranoia.

Speaking of which.......do you ever feel like you're being watched, like in The Truman Show or The Matrix? Your logic makes you shrug off these notions, disputing their validity and assuring yourself that you're not interesting enough to follow. But in our day and age, it's easy to see how paranoia could become a natural response to these thoughts. What if those people really ARE watching you? It'd be nearly impossible to prove they are, but equally difficult to conclude the opposite.

This got me noticing the smaller nuances in my life, in some feeble attempt to make my otherwise normal (read: boring) life a little more exciting. In doing so, I noticed that I seem to be bombarded by advertisements for Valentine's Day of late. I see ads for it on TV and on the internet, I hear them on the radio (oddly enough, at times I'm thinking about the holiday), and in some strange way I get the feeling that it's all directed toward me. It's all a conspiracy. Maybe it's because I'm a romantic at heart and therefore see little point to Valentine's Day. Maybe it's because I'm a romantic at heart and believe that the same feeling can be captured anyday. I don't know how and I don't know why.....but I think "they" are on to me.

In fact, yesterday I decided to take a short nap. I dozed off faster than I thought, and in my R.E.M., I had the most bizarre dream. I was walking in the middle of the highway, as cars sped past me, horns blaring and drivers cursing my conception, and telling me how to spend my afterlife. Then the craziest thing happened. There I was, in the middle of the busy highway, when Cupid himself appeared before me.

"Krystina," he said, with a much deeper voice than I'd expect from a corpulent flying baby with an out-of-date hunting weapon.

"You barely get into the Christmas spirit, you don't go trick-or-treating anymore, and the last time you lost a tooth you only cared about the dental bill. You've lost your innocence, madam, and now that you're no longer pure, you don't even get into the spirit of Valentine's Day?"

I was a bit starstruck, needless to say. I mean, it's not everyday you get raked over the coals by a Roman god in the middle of a busy highway.

"Well, uh, Cupid......I don't believe in just being romantic on one day, in a poor attempt to make up for not doing so on other days. I think it's just about as commercialized as Christmas, and just another way for jewellers to make money off people who can't afford to part with their hard-earned cash."

This made him angry.

"Well then we ought to cancel birthdays, because it's just an excuse to get drunk and remember coming out of your mother: bald, screaming and helpless. You know, pretty much how you end up after 80 years."

He was right. I was wrong, but of course I wasn't about to admit that.

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!"

I assumed my best fighting stance, but I wasn't quick enough to avoid a well-placed love arrow. He nailed me right on my left chest. As I fell to the ground, I realized that the highway was now my soulmate.

I woke up in a panicked sweat. It was just then, that I heard the television blaring in the other room."This Valentine's Day, get her what she REALLY wants....every kiss begins with Kay!"

I........think they know about me. And I think, after this Valentine's Day, they could come to hunt me down. I....I....guess it's time for my pill.